I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Randomize
