I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
