I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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