My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
