can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
