So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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