Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
is that a dick in a sweater?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
