3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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