first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
