..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
