so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
