I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
