I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
