did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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