Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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