Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
