Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
