i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
