I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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