I just saw a hot homeless man
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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