He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
