I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
