My first STD was from a foam party
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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