Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
