we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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