awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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