Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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