Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
