I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
