why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
where are you?
Hypothermia
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
