he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
