I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
