i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
