you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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