I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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