He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
