Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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