Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
