Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
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