Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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