how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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