closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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