You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
