i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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