only if we run a train.
done.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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