woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Say something about gay babies.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
