Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
