have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
