so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
