Just fell off a train. Bad.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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