Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
