he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
