connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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